Saturday, October 19, 2013

Chap.9-I´ve always been yours


 



 
                                Chap.9-I´ve always been yours
   
  It was new year. I couldn´t believe it. One year had passed ,and I had changed so much, but was still very much the same girl as I was a year ago.

  I was excited. Not because of being new year or the vision of a “fresh start” ,it was too late for that. It was too late to try to scape from the ghosts of my past, I knew that. But it wasn’t late for one thing: to go meet Andrew. Just his name made a dumb smile appear on my lips.  He had invited me to go watch the fireworks with him tonight, at the beach and I couldn´t nor I wanted to say no. I was really excited to see him, I had really missed him and I hadn’t been with him nearly enough since my dad got back.

  When I got to the beach where I was supposed to meet him it was really dark and crowded and I started to panic a little bit. I couldn’t see anything and the loud noise and drunk people made me quite uncomfortable. I started backing out as fast as I could, not watching where I was going and hyperventilating in the middle of the crowd, and just when I felt like I was going to pass out I felt strong and familiar harms grabbing me and pulling me closer -Andrew.

  We walked for a few minutes, until a place in the beach that was almost totally desert. He carefully sat me on the sand and he sat beside me, and protectively put his harm around my skinny body while I rested my head on his shoulder.

-Hi-he said in a soft voice.

-Hi-I responded, and, somehow, this word showed him that I was smiling. I was so happy to be there, in his harms. It was like I belonged there, and all my life had been leading me to that very moment.

  -You know, life  at home hasn’t exactly been good for me this past few days, I always have this feeling like..

  He waited for me to continue. Because I didn´t he instigated:

 - Like?..

-  Like I need to be somewhere else. Like I don’t belong. And this is a feeling that I had my entire life. That I don’t feet in and no matter what I do or how hard I try I never will..

  -All..-he started.

  -No, let me finish-he nodded so I continued-but somehow this ,being here ,with you, it feels…right ,and I feel like,  here is where I always wanted to be-I smiled and turned my face to him. He looked as beautiful as he always did, his hair was a hot mess and his green eyes where staring back at me with that same glow they always had when he was with me. He pressured his lips to my forehead and something in that gesture showed me that he.. loved me?

   In the background, outside from our world we heard people starting to make the count down.

   -60,59,58…

  -You know-he told me, resting his forehead in mine- I just realized that you´re not officially my girl.

   -55,54…

   What?

  -52…

  -I mean, I know we know each other for very little time, and I know how ridiculous I probably look right know-oh he had no idea, I tried not to laugh-but when you really..-is he going to say it?-..love someone-he did!- you don’t need time, you just know. Maybe that’s part of the reason why it never felt like I was getting to know you, it always felt like I was  remembering you, your smile, your voice, your touch, your kiss.. and you make me fall in love with you with every second that goes by, I  couldn’t possibly imagine life without you , ´cause looking back, until I knew you, it just felt like I was half alive, and you completed it, me-the words where flowing out of his mouth and softly touching my heart, like a secret touch between lovers. A tear streamed down my face- what I’m trying to say is: I love you- he gently whipped the tear out off my face-and I want you to be mine.

   -5,4,3,2…

   I didn’t know what to say so I kissed him and I slowly melted like honey in his mouth, when we got out of breath and I moved my lips apart from his, I was still gasping for air while I leaned forward till my lips softly touched his hear and I whispered-I´m yours.

   -1

   I´ve always been yours.  

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Chap.8- The cherry tree


 
 
                          Chap.8- The cherry tree

  When I got home I felt really tired and my head felt like a piece of shapeless cotton ball. I only had one thing on my mind- my bed.

  I tried to make as little noise as I possibly could as I ran up the stairs, so my father wouldn’t listen to me, and wouldn’t make me answer a list of questions that I bet were running threw his mind. Didn’t he think it was a little bit to late to take the “I’m an involved father in my daughter´s life” train?  

  When I closed my bedroom door and threw my school bag to the other side of the room, I already had a victory smile on my face right after I noticed my father ,standing there in one side of the room, looking out of the window. My smile faded.

 -It´s still there-he said not letting any emotion passing through his town of voice, while he stared out of the window, to the cherry tree covered in snow, that my mom had planted for.. No. I´m not going there. Some things are better unburied.

-It is- I said in the same town of voice as my father.

-How could that small ,fragile tree survive and become so big and so strong?-he asked, more to himself that to me- even after what happened, after the pain and the guilt have consumed us , after our lives have been thrown apart and we find ourselves in a cross row without knowing what to do, or how to do it, how does it stand there, so strong , so bold, showing us that it can be done , that we are nothing but week , because you could do it and I couldn’t and I still cant and sometimes and im has lost as the little girl I held in my harms and whipped the tears of her face, the one to who I promised I would never leave her side, but I did-he was barely holding the tears at the moment-I did..

I didn’t knew what to say, why was he telling me all this know? I turned off the brave and careless part of me because I was tired to be strong and independent. So I did the one thing that I wanted but didn’t do in 11 years.

I hugged my dad.