Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Chap.13-. I was Alice. just Alice



Chap.13-. I was Alice. just Alice
I was staring out of my bedroom’s window. There was a paper bag full of Autumn lives . It was flying gently with a soft breeze’s impulse. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. There was so much beauty in the world. Everywhere I looked. And I felt as though no one else appreciated it, or understood it the way I did.
 
 
 

  Everything was so fragile, so delicate, so essential.. so beautiful and I felt like I was unworthy of such strange beauty. The simple beauty of the outside world was breathtaking.

  My dad had just ended the quimio sessions, and although he was never going to be 100% in the clear, (because cancer doesn’t have a cure); he was good now. As good as he would ever be anyway. He was just happy to be alive and,  a bit like me, he was growing to appreciate the all consuming pleasure of the privileged to be alive. He finally quit his work and both he and my step mother decided to go and see the world, to travel to all the places they ever dreamed about, to enjoy and make the most of their lives. I could have gone with them… but I had other plans. I decided to stay because of my friends, because of school, but mostly because of the love of my life. And I know, I’m too young, too naive, too unrealistic to be saying that . But honestly that’s how I feel. He was the one I wanted to be with for the good, bad and ugly. He had seen me at my worst so I think that I owe him my best, and I intended on giving  him the best of me everyday for the rest of our lives.

I couldn’t shake the feeling as though a chapter of my life was closing. Witch meant a new one could open. I still had demons under my bed. Who doesn’t. I learned to live with them. I learned to look past them the moment I found someone who loved me regardlessly of them. A love so powerful, so strong that made me feel a child again, gave me everything I needed to be happy has I never was before. My life still wasn’t a fairy tale. I didn’t live in wonderland. No, that wasn’t for me. I was Alice. just Alice.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Chap.12-Life is completely and utterly unpredictable


Life is completely and utterly unpredictable

Life is completely and utterly unpredictable. Just when you think everything is going great it all turns around in a matter of seconds. In that moment you feel forced to face the cruel reality, you may find yourself asking pathetic questions like why? or why to me? Maybe even questioning everything that you took for granted until it happens, until it all turned around and tumbled at your feet. And it hurts. It’s painful. But just keep in mind that without this eye opener you would never fully appreciate what you have. And although the ride might be hard and you feel like you can’t hold on anymore, just remember that I’m right here, beside you, to help you up if you fall.

 So this post is dedicated to my best friend. I love you.

 
                                    ***

 
 
  It was already morning when Andrew drove me back home. I said goodbye with a kiss that took more than it probably should.

  -Not that I want you to, but shouldn’t you get going love?- Andrew asked me with a sweet smile.

  -Yes- I said pulling him closer again for one more kiss. I really didn’t want to go inside and face my dad. So I was just trying to stay near Andrew as long as I possibly could.

  After a few more minutes Andrew pulled his lips apart from mine again and looked at me with those beautiful, playfully judgy green eyes, so I finally gave him a last, quick kiss and rushed inside.

  It was all surprisingly quiet. Although I did not want to run into my dad I didn’t want not to  know where he was either. After going to the kitchen to make some coffee the silence installed in the house started to get loudly uncomfortable. I quickly ran upstairs to check if he was in his bedroom, sleeping. I peeked, standing near his bedroom door, but I still couldn’t find   him. I entered the room to see if he really wasn’t inside. He wasn’t. As I was turning back, to get out of the room, convinced he had gone out, as usual, I practically stepped him.

  -God! You scared me! Jesus!

  He didn’t say anything, giving me the sufficient time to allow me to better examine his face. He looked tired, exhausted. He had that sour smell that I had been smelling in the house, since he had come back. But only know I had associated it with a particular, distinctive smell.

  -Dad…-I looked at him with an unexpressive face- have you been throwing up?

  He nodded. He had such a desperate face.

  -Baby..-he told me- I know you are strong, but there are some fights that not even you can fight against. He went to reach my harm and I quickly pulled back.

  -What? What’s going on?- I asked confused.

  This was bad. My dad was so strong, he always knew what to do, even if it wasn’t the right thing. We had our differences and I pretended I hated him, but I didn’t. I loved by father. The expression on my face became desperate , lost.

  -What?

  I was practically screaming.

  He said the words slowly, like something that is ugly to be said out loud. Has if by saying it, it would become more true then it was, that it would be worst. Like admitting something that made him give up to what he had been fighting against. But has he said, there are some enemies that we can’t fight against. And even if we do, there are some we just can’t win.

  -I have cancer.

  The light was gone from my face. My face totally unexpressive by the shock. The words echoing in my head.