tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851976737785809982024-03-14T02:56:20.016-07:00Alice, just AliceAlice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-47350053339851957812014-07-02T15:44:00.002-07:002014-07-02T15:44:20.142-07:00Chap.13-. I was Alice. just Alice
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.13-</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">. </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I was
Alice. just Alice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was staring out of my bedroom’s window. There was a paper bag full of Autumn lives . It was flying gently with a soft breeze’s impulse. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. There was so much beauty in the world. Everywhere I looked. And I felt as though no one else appreciated it, or understood it the way I did.</span></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Everything was so fragile, so delicate, so essential..
so beautiful and I felt like I was unworthy of such strange beauty. The simple </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">beauty
of the outside world was breathtaking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad had just ended the quimio sessions,
and although he was never going to be 100% in the clear, (because cancer doesn’t
have a cure); he was good now. As good as he would ever be anyway. He was just
happy to be alive and,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a bit like me, he
was growing to appreciate the all consuming pleasure of the privileged to be
alive. He finally quit his work and both he and my step mother decided to go
and see the world, to travel to all the places they ever dreamed about, to
enjoy and make the most of their lives. I could have gone with them… but I had
other plans. I decided to stay because of my friends, because of school, but
mostly because of the love of my life. And I know, I’m too young, too naive,
too unrealistic to be saying that . But honestly that’s how I feel. He was the
one I wanted to be with for the good, bad and ugly. He had seen me at my worst
so I think that I owe him my best, and I intended on giving <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>him the best of me everyday for the rest of
our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I couldn’t
shake the feeling as though a chapter of my life was closing. Witch meant a new
one could open. I still had demons under my bed. Who doesn’t. I learned to live
with them. I learned to look past them the moment I found someone who loved me regardlessly
of them. A love so powerful, so strong that made me feel a child again, gave me
everything I needed to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">happy</i> has I
never was before. My life still wasn’t a fairy tale. I didn’t live in
wonderland. No, that wasn’t for me. I was Alice. just Alice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-59217648794718660832014-01-28T11:00:00.002-08:002014-01-28T11:00:41.313-08:00Chap.12-Life is completely and utterly unpredictable
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<a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.pt/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=05t37XAfViODSM&tbnid=XJkjiYh8-K8OwM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caribbeanprincessmusings.com%2F2011_06_01_archive.html&ei=5P3nUoSeHczB0gWKrQE&bvm=bv.60157871,d.ZGU&psig=AFQjCNGv4w7PeoypixiByJ3RkGtDOrI5Qw&ust=1391021603359168" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor; clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img class="irc_mut" height="211" id="irc_mi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdS0PTo7-ur8IAzLtm2OmXblqzVt22XFkH1ueHAuC-bkdlvFtGnGnk22zQuVf5KyWwTgFh5zYox05r4kluNzSapJ2L4T50E5CLP7We7bXATYxWAnY1b9uD9xpx-tMdYLwSIeieAyJd04o/s320/father+tumblr_kv2b81l2ih1qzgqr6o1_500_large.jpg" style="margin-top: 30px;" width="320" /></a><a data-ved="0CAUQjRw" href="http://www.google.pt/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=05t37XAfViODSM&tbnid=XJkjiYh8-K8OwM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.tracymoorephotography.com%2F%3Fp%3D8647&ei=6_znUv70GYa-0QWDsYCYAw&bvm=bv.60157871,d.ZGU&psig=AFQjCNGv4w7PeoypixiByJ3RkGtDOrI5Qw&ust=1391021603359168" id="irc_mil" style="border: 0px currentColor; clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img class="irc_mut" height="221" id="irc_mi" src="http://blog.tracymoorephotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/tumblr_m5s8vlpfNS1rnjxnao1_5001.jpg" style="margin-top: 55px;" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Life is completely and utterly
unpredictable<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Life is completely and utterly unpredictable</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">. Just when you think everything is
going great it all turns around in a matter of seconds. In that moment you feel
forced to face the cruel reality, you may find yourself asking pathetic
questions like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why</i>? or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why to me</i>? Maybe even questioning
everything that you took for granted until it happens, until it all turned
around and tumbled at your feet. And it hurts. It’s painful. But just keep in
mind that without this eye opener you would never fully appreciate what you
have. And although the ride might be hard and you feel like you can’t hold on
anymore, just remember that I’m right here, beside you, to help you up if you
fall.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So this
post is dedicated to my best friend. I love you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></i></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ***<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> It was already morning when Andrew drove me back home. I said goodbye
with a kiss that took more than it probably should. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -Not that I
want you to, but shouldn’t you get going love?- Andrew asked me with a sweet
smile.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -Yes- I said
pulling him closer again for one more kiss. I really didn’t want to go inside
and face my dad. So I was just trying to stay near Andrew as long as I possibly
could.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> After a few
more minutes Andrew pulled his lips apart from mine again and looked at me with
those beautiful, playfully judgy green eyes, so I finally gave him a last,
quick kiss and rushed inside.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> It was all
surprisingly quiet. Although I did not want to run into my dad I didn’t want
not to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>know where he was either. After
going to the kitchen to make some coffee the silence installed in the house
started to get loudly uncomfortable. I quickly ran upstairs to check if he was
in his bedroom, sleeping. I peeked, standing near his bedroom door, but I still
couldn’t find <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>him. I entered the room
to see if he really wasn’t inside. He wasn’t. As I was turning back, to get out
of the room, convinced he had gone out, as usual, I practically stepped him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -God! You
scared me! Jesus!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> He didn’t
say anything, giving me the sufficient time to allow me to better examine his
face. He looked tired, exhausted. He had that sour smell that I had been
smelling in the house, since he had come back. But only know I had associated it
with a particular, distinctive smell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -Dad…-I looked
at him with an unexpressive face- have you been throwing up?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> He nodded.
He had such a desperate face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -Baby..-he
told me- I know you are strong, but there are some fights that not even you can
fight against. He went to reach my harm and I quickly pulled back.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -What? What’s
going on?- I asked confused.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> This was
bad. My dad was so strong, he always knew what to do, even if it wasn’t the
right thing. We had our differences and I pretended I hated him, but I didn’t. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I loved by father</i>. The expression on my
face became desperate , lost.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -What?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I was practically
screaming.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> He said the
words slowly, like something that is ugly to be said out loud. Has if by saying
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it,</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i> would become more true then it was, that it would be worst. Like
admitting something that made him give up to what he had been fighting against.
But has he said, there are some enemies that we can’t fight against. And even
if we do, there are some we just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can’t</i>
win.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> -I have cancer</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> The light
was gone from my face. My face totally unexpressive by the shock. The words
echoing in my head.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-62083544621932652942013-12-11T08:17:00.001-08:002013-12-11T08:17:43.341-08:00I can't go back to yesterday because i was a different person then
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span><img class="rg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRBCY80Ivd0Pd_mY76QkBtiP6PembsKxIA7f8B_O0mA39u-z0zW9A" data-sz="f" name="JQhfmy3gPSdrVM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRBCY80Ivd0Pd_mY76QkBtiP6PembsKxIA7f8B_O0mA39u-z0zW9A" style="height: 95px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: -27px; margin-top: 0px; width: 295px;" /> <img class="rg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSOBboaRWNNGavBAbabXx6EiWKTFRszjT8QmfYS-STE1OsEVdtK" data-sz="f" name="7LZuWDaE88ZGrM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSOBboaRWNNGavBAbabXx6EiWKTFRszjT8QmfYS-STE1OsEVdtK" style="height: 207px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: -9px; margin-top: 0px; width: 207px;" /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> <span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.11- I can't go back to yesterday because i was a different person
then<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was there
again. With her. Alone. The memory rolled again and again in my mind. So real.
So vivid. My mom was screaming. I could sense the pain in her voice. She was so
loud, so desperate so out of it. Then she fell on the ground, and calmed down.
When her face was at my level I got close to her and just leaned against her
know still body. Her eyes looked so tired and so numb, like she couldn’t feel a
thing, and still a tear was slowly sliding down her cheek<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as she looked at me in a moment of weakness,
she was tired. I remember leaning forward and kissing her wet cheek, as my hand
softly touched her belly. Than it all turns to a blur.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I woke up
in a sweaty panic. I was breeding heavily and has I reached out to grab my
pillow I realized that wasn’t my bed. Yes, I remember know, after I hugged my
dad I didn’t want to be alone and I ended up falling asleep in his bed. He was
just staring back at me in the dark. I knew this because I could see the white
of his eyes, wide open, staring back at me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I have
them too, the nightmares..-he started.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You weren’t
there. I was. –I replied.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After
coming to my senses I wasn’t sure this had been such a good idea. I quickly
pulled back the sheets and got out of bed. I needed to get out of there. As I
grabbed my mobile phone and ran down the stars I heard my father asking me in
the distance:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Ally!-he
called- Ally where are you going ?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was
already out the door. I picked my phone and dialed one, to the only person I
knew that I would want to be with. Always.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Hey can
you come pick me up? Quick? I need to get some air..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In five
minutes Andrew was in front of my house with his motorcycle. He had come so
fast. I got on that thing has fast as I could and I just told him –let’s go-has
I grabbed on to his body covered in a big black leader jacket. And we did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was breaking
dawn and we were at the beach, just sitting there. I was feeling the cold
winter wind on my hair with his leader jacked warming my skinny body, barely
covered by my confi ,but not really warm sweatshirt , <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>looking at the sea with my head on his shoulder
just thinking about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and anything</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I love
you.-I suddenly said. For an outsider it might seem like it came out of
nowhere. But we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">knew.-</i>a lot.-I looked
at this beautiful boy, my boy, so strong but his eyes looked at me in warm, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>gentle and unique way he always looked at me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I love you
too All-he told me, turning his face away and looking at the sea- so much it
hurts me to think about ever loosing you.- when he looked back at me he had
fear in his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hided my
face on his neck and I slowly pressured my lips against it, kissing it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You won’t
lose me. Ever. – He was too important. If only he knew how much..-then a
question that was desperate for somebody’s attention ran out of my lips without
permission-do you think.. I am a different person? Since you met me? Have I
changed?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-No All,
you didn’t change. You are still the same girl. We can’t change. Any of us. For
as long and as hard as we try, because we all have our pasts to hold on to. But
we can evolve. You did. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-But I feel
like a different person. I want to go back, to the past and change so much that
I have done, because I feel like I would do things differently, doesn’t that
mean I’m a different person?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-If you
really were a different person, than you couldn’t go back to the past, because
you can only control what you did, not what someone else did. As such you only
have control over your past, not of the one that belongs to the person you
were. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">And I was. That’s why I couldn’t go back. That’s
why no one could. But that didn’t mean I could stop wishing otherwise. Then I just
shutted it all out, as I always did when the thoughts on my mind got to loud
and too uncontrollable. And for just a second I allowed myself to live in the
moment, until only us, lost in each others lips on that beach existed.</span>Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-7975568385682353282013-11-22T14:25:00.003-08:002013-11-22T14:25:35.970-08:00Chap.10-I miss them too
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span><a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJXDP0giikNM3iu6A05zce1dcSzvKa8Y8nT3eowVk5sGePK3u4cQ" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_i" data-sz="f" height="333" name="ww8pNFng8GJCuM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJXDP0giikNM3iu6A05zce1dcSzvKa8Y8nT3eowVk5sGePK3u4cQ" style="height: 160px; margin-top: 0px; width: 192px;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.10-I miss <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them</i> too<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I woke up really early that morning, it was
chilly outside and my bed was so confy and warm that I decided to get some
thinking done while I stared at the sealing and listened to the rain typing
softly on my window.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once again things were looking up, I could get
used to it. This warm feeling in my belly that made me feel like everything was
going to be ok. I was still the same girl, I still had my past to hold on to,
but I had evolved. I had friends and a wonderful boyfriend that meant the world
to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you know that little thing in the deep
corners of your mind that never leaves you alone? The one that is demanding
your attention to remind you that you steal have things to be solved? I still
had that one. I thought about my father. Was he sharing this sudden and urgent
need to tell and unbury what we had buried for so long?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got out of bed abot thirty minutes after my
decision not to, my over thinking had already left me unsettled for the day. I
quickly dressed my white fuzzy wool sweater and I walked down the stairs to get
a glass of milk. As I was leaving the kitchen with the warm glass of milk in my
hands I stopped right in front of my father and I looked right into those
familiar and yet unknown eyes. I got out of his way and as I was leaving I realized
I needed to talk about It.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Dad- I called
in a low and uncertain voice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Yes
Ally?-he had a sleepy yet soft voice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Shouldn’t
we.. hum.. talk about.. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i>?-I mumbled.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Talk about
what?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As if he
didn’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It</i>-my voice was plain this time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-There´s
nothing to talk about-the only thing that I could hear in his voice was exhaustion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I was
leaving he added, like calling me:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I have
been thinking a lot about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It</i>-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i> too, recently.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked
into his eyes. During all this time I had only seen my pain, when the reality
was that there was so much beyond it. I might had lost a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">brother</i> but he had lost a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">son</i>.
And there it was again, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our little secret</i>,
the one that I had been trying to run away from during so much time, harming my
self because of it in so many ways, simply to escape the reality, my reality. Because,
when my mother died, I didn’t loose just her, no. She was pregnant. I lost the
two most important people in my life and there would never be anything I could
do to change it, to bring them back. In the clinic where I was after I overdosed
they suspected that I was harming myself with drugs and alcohol to, unconsciously,
try to commit suicide, because I knew, deep down, that was the only way I was
ever going to see the again. They were wrong. It was conscious.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I miss
them- I said while a tear streamed down my face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad just
hugged me and kissed my forehead while he said:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I miss them too Ally, so much</i>, too much-
as he hugged me tighter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-57099950373102324682013-10-19T14:07:00.004-07:002013-10-19T14:09:04.019-07:00 Chap.9-I´ve always been yours<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> </div>
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSaJgV7hawbG_ZVkYEe8-6fWs84xRzSFfJqwqWjyZb5Ahjl1FPN" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_i" data-sz="f" height="266" name="fTzTMAsBcanVpM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSaJgV7hawbG_ZVkYEe8-6fWs84xRzSFfJqwqWjyZb5Ahjl1FPN" style="height: 183px; margin-top: 0px; width: 275px;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> </div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span> <span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.9-I´ve always been yours</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
I<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">t was new year. I couldn´t believe
it. One year had passed ,and I had changed so much, but was still very much the
same girl as I was a year ago.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was excited. Not because of being new year
or the vision of a “fresh start” ,it was too late for that. It was too late to
try to scape from the ghosts of my past, I knew that. But it wasn’t late for
one thing: to go meet Andrew. Just his name made a dumb smile appear on my lips.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had invited me to go watch the
fireworks with him tonight, at the beach and I couldn´t nor I wanted to say no.
I was really excited to see him, I had really missed him and I hadn’t been with
him nearly enough since my dad got back. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got to the beach where I was supposed to
meet him it was really dark and crowded and I started to panic a little bit. I couldn’t
see anything and the loud noise and drunk people made me quite uncomfortable. I
started backing out as fast as I could, not watching where I was going and hyperventilating
in the middle of the crowd, and just when I felt like I was going to pass out I
felt strong and familiar harms grabbing me and pulling me closer -Andrew. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We walked for a few minutes, until a place in
the beach that was almost totally desert. He carefully sat me on the sand and
he sat beside me, and protectively put his harm around my skinny body while I rested
my head on his shoulder.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Hi-he said
in a soft voice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Hi-I responded,
and, somehow, this word showed him that I was smiling. I was so happy to be
there, in his harms. It was like I belonged there, and all my life had been
leading me to that very moment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -You know,
life at home hasn’t exactly been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good </i>for
me this past few days, I always have this feeling like..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> He waited
for me to continue. Because I didn´t he instigated:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> - Like?..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- Like I need
to be somewhere else. Like I don’t belong. And this is a feeling that I had my
entire life. That I don’t feet in and no matter what I do or how hard I try I never
will..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -All..-he
started.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -No, let me
finish-he nodded so I continued-but somehow <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this
</i>,being here ,with you, it feels…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right
</i>,and I feel like<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>here</i> is where I always wanted to be-I smiled
and turned my face to him. He looked as beautiful as he always did, his hair
was a hot mess and his green eyes where staring back at me with that same glow
they always had when he was with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me.</i>
He pressured his lips to my forehead and something in that gesture showed me that
he.. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">loved me?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> In the background,
outside from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our world </i>we heard
people starting to make the count down.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">60,59,58…</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -You
know-he told me, resting his forehead in mine- I just realized that you´re not officially
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my girl</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">55,54…<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> What?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">52…</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -I mean, I know
we know each other for very little time, and I know how ridiculous I probably look
right know-oh he had no idea, I tried not to laugh-but when you really..-is he
going to say it?-..love someone-he did!- you don’t need time, you just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know</i>. Maybe that’s part of the reason why
it never felt like I was getting to know you, it always felt like I was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>remembering you, your smile, your voice, your
touch, your kiss.. and you make me fall in love with you with every second that
goes by, I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>couldn’t possibly imagine
life without you , ´cause looking back, until I knew you, it just felt like I was
half alive, and you completed it, me-the words where flowing out of his mouth
and softly touching my heart, like a secret touch between lovers. A tear
streamed down my face- what I’m trying to say is: I love you- he gently whipped
the tear out off my face-and I want you to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mine.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">5,4,3,2…</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what to say so I kissed him and I
slowly melted like honey in his mouth, when we got out of breath and I moved my
lips apart from his, I was still gasping for air while I leaned forward till my
lips softly touched his hear and I whispered-I´m yours.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I´ve always been yours. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-42042982943699614812013-10-12T15:59:00.003-07:002013-10-12T15:59:45.146-07:00Chap.8- The cherry tree
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> Chap.8- The cherry tree </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got
home I felt really tired and my head felt like a piece of shapeless cotton ball.
I only had one thing on my mind- my bed. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to make as little noise as I possibly
could as I ran up the stairs, so my father wouldn’t listen to me, and wouldn’t make
me answer a list of questions that I bet were running threw his mind. Didn’t he
think it was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">little bit</i> to late to
take the “I’m an involved father in my daughter´s life” train? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I closed my bedroom door and threw my
school bag to the other side of the room, I already had a victory smile on my
face right after I noticed my father ,standing there in one side of the room,
looking out of the window. My smile faded.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-It´s still there-he said not letting any
emotion passing through his town of voice, while he stared out of the window,
to the cherry tree covered in snow, that my mom had planted for.. No. I´m not
going there. Some things are better unburied. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-It is- I said
in the same town of voice as my father.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-How could
that small ,fragile tree survive and become so big and so strong?-he asked,
more to himself that to me- even after what happened, after the pain and the
guilt have consumed us , after our lives have been thrown apart and we find
ourselves in a cross row without knowing what to do, or how to do it, how does
it stand there, so strong , so bold, showing us that it can be done , that we
are nothing but week , because you could do it and I couldn’t and I still cant
and sometimes and im has lost as the little girl I held in my harms and whipped
the tears of her face, the one to who I promised I would never leave her side,
but I did-he was barely holding the tears at the moment-I did..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t knew
what to say, why was he telling me all this know? I turned off the brave and
careless part of me because I was tired to be strong and independent. So I did
the one thing that I wanted but didn’t do in 11 years.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hugged my
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dad</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-76306635378246254862013-09-10T10:35:00.001-07:002013-09-10T10:35:17.425-07:00Sometimes the people closest to you can be the one´s holding you back the most
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> Chap.7-</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Sometimes the
people closest to you can be the one´s holding you back the most<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-And how
are things going with your dad? I heard his back in town..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was feeling like something a cat had puked.
Since my last fight with my dad 2 nights ago I barely had slept and he was
seriously messing with my nervous system. I just wanted to be home, or any
place at all in the world that wasn’t the office of my guidance
counselor-Brocke.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-They´re great-I
said with an unexpressive face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would I open up to a complete stranger?
Bigger question than that : how did she think I would? People say it´s easier
to talk to a stranger, liars. So I was just supposed to share my personal and
deeply messed up life with a women that I barely even knew so that she could
tell me how to live it? Yes that makes complete sense. Anyways I was too tired
for that. I just wanted to get that over that so I could proceed with my day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Ok,
great-she said with a smile on her face. Phony- So I will show you some
pictures and I will make you some question ok?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Yes, shure
-that wasn’t weird- do you do this to like every student that comes in here?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-No-she
answered sincerely.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So.. why to
me? I should have asked. Yet again I was tired and out of it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Ok-I
finally said.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She showed
me a picture of a family-of course -.- .<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-It´s a
family. The sun is shining and their smiling. It´s a happy picture-I said still
with an unexpressive face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-So how
does that make you feel?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Happy-I
said smiling. When I saw the look on Broocke´s face I realized my smile must
have looked pretty fake. Well happy families weren’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exactly</i> what I wanting to see.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You know <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this </i>wont work unless your honest with
me- Brocke said with a serious look on her face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I put on
the most offended expression I could given the conditions-I don’t know what
you´re talking about. I am as honest and open as a person can be-lie.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You know
it´s important to have a good support system. People you can really talk to.
Have anyone you can talk to. Friends?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Yes.
They´re great. Totally supportive-another lie, they didn’t even knew. How many
are we in? 4?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Great, but
still be cachous.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Why?-I
asked rhetorically- because sometimes the people closest to you can be the
one´s holding you back the most? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-In did.
Where did you learn that?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I don’t
know-But I did. My mom used to tell me that all the time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it was
true. But at the time she didn’t knew just how true she was.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-9584419028873923832013-09-08T12:06:00.002-07:002013-09-08T12:06:49.018-07:00Our little secret<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> Chap.6-</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Our little
secret<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I woke up
really happy this morning. It was thanks giving and, in quite a while ,I had
something to be thankful for. I looked outside my window. It was snowing. I decided
to take a quick shower before I met Hanna and Erika at the park.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I got
back home and I opened the front door it was already lunch time and it smelled
so good it made my mouth water. Then i saw suitcases in the hall. As usually,
there were 3, all of different sizes. My face got stone cold while I walked
down the hall on the direction of the noise until<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in the living room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Father-he
was sitting on the sofa talking to my step mother and when he heard my voice
they both stop talking. I looked right at his eyes. With all that had been
going on I had totally forgot my father was coming. It had been almost a year
since I had last seen him. He was wearing a black suit and his dark brown hair
was carefully combed. I could see some wrinkles near his eyes that weren’t
there last time i saw him, and the first white hairs were starting to appear on
the top of his head.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Ally-he walked
right at me and hugged me softly- I missed you, girl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m sure he
did. That’s why he never called me, or said anything at all, all year. But I
wouldn’t say that. I didn’t hug him back or return his “I miss you”. Instead i
just stood there until my body was released from that unrecognizable shelter
that didn’t feel mine at all. Once he released me he carefully observed my face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You look
more like your mother every time I see you-he said with a shaken voice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t
knew what to say so I nodded while rubbing my bracelet on my wrist. He grabbed
my wrist and put his hands around it. He was the only one that would dare to
reprehend my strange habit, what he had been doing since I was little. He
didn’t even need words. I quickly pulled my hand towards my body and wrapped my
harms around my body.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I´m glad
you re home-I said not knowing if I was totally lying.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Lets
eat!-my step mother said with excitement.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Has we sat
and started eating everyone was silent and the mood wasn’t exactly light or
happy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-So how is
school Ally?-my father asked in a pathetic attempt to lift my mood up and to
get involved in my life like a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">concerned
father</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Yes, it´s
alright-I answered while I played around with my food.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Helen told
me you’ve been skipping the sections with you’re guidance counselor- good my
step mother and my dad already got to talking. I looked at her with a spark of
disappointment in my eyes-you know you’ve to go. It´s part of the treatment
plain and if…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I´m not
really hungry- I said cutting him of, truth is, I had lost my appetite- i’m
just going to go to my room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok so maybe
I was being childish and totally immature, but I didn’t want to participate in
some stupid charade of a “happy family” while my father pointed the error of my
ways, to show of that I wasn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kevin´s
daughter perfect yet</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-No, Ally,
you have to eat. Sit down.-my father ordered calmly but there was imposition in
his voice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-What´s so
funny, Alice?-my father asked, not amused at all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-You appear
here, after a year, or should I say 11? of mia and know you want to tell me
what to do? What makes you think you have that right? Don’t you think is a
little bit late for the “perfect dad of the year roll”? I may have forgiven a
lot of things but I haven’t forgotten them. Stop treating me like a child and
stop acting like my father. Because in all the moments that I needed you, you
weren’t there for me and just because you’re staying doesn’t mean you’re
welcome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe it
was a little bit early or impulsive to start arguing but I had so much anger
towards<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>him that I just couldn’t
contained myself. All of that was true. And, if the truth hurted him that was
just a taste of what he had left me with, when he decided to drown himself in
work and go live to the other side of the country foe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">business purposes</i>. I walked into my room and closed the door. As I
sat on the floor a tear ran down my face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Don’t cry,
don’t cry-I said to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is
what I mean when I say we can’t handle being around each other. As much time
passes there is always something unsaid, pained on the deep of our hearts. That
pain was the result of our little secret. The secret we had kept to ourselves
all these years. A constant knife on our throats fighting to keep us from breathing,
sucking us into a black hole where nothing but darkness remained. Our little
secret.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-40970779388902823022013-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:002013-08-22T08:23:28.096-07:00Is this love?
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img height="333" id="irc_mi" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/9081029/tumblr_lk2hdlPxBe1qfg7p7o1_500_large.jpg" style="margin-top: 114px;" width="500" /> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Chap.5-Is this love?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-So can you explain
this whole situation to me one more time?- I asked trying to keep calm and
process what she was telling me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-What aren´t you
getting about “you were invited to a p-a-r-t-y”-Hana told me, still very
excited but starting to get a little impatient-well you’re going to,
technically.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Jessica invited
Andrew to Toby´s party and he said he was going to invite you-Erika continued,
probably after tacking the phone out of Hanna´s hand-and we´re going too,
obviously.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-How are you so shure
he´s really going to invite me?-I asked rubbing my bracelet on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my wrist-I mean this has passed threw a
lot of people´s mouths, how do you even know it´s true?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Why wouldn´t it be?-it
was Hanna again-we saw the way he looked at you in the cafeteria, and while I
don’t think he´s good company for you it’s obvious that you like him, and he´s,
in did, really hot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Has I said…-I heard
Erika saying on the other side of the line, and I could hear the smile on her
voice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-So would you come?
Please? It will be fun. I will even let you borrow my close and give you a ride
home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She could probably
sense my uncertainty cause she heeded a “pleaaase” and I finally said yes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Three hours later we
were at the party. I looked down at the white lace dress that I had borrowed
from Hana. It had a white corsage, that made my boobs look way bigger. I felt
nervous and a little uncomfortable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Shake it off-Erika
told me while I rubbed my silver bracelet on my wrist with my free hand-you
look beautiful, I mean it!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-She´s right-Hana
confirmed-I wish I had bigger boobs…-she said looking at mine with puppy dog
eyes pouting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We looked at each
other and started laughing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Then I saw him.
Andrew. He looked hot. He was wearing ripped jeans and a black t-shirt. His air
was a hot mess and his green eyes burned my skin while he slowly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">looked</i> at me. He walked to me slowly and
confidently while I rubbed my bracelet on to my wrist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-You look stunning-he
said when he finally got beside me and handed me a drink.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I don’t drink-I said
fast and nervously while my hands shaked and I dropped my drink on the floor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Andrew was looking at
me confused. I shacked my head and tried to get out of the room but he grabbed
my hand. I looked right at his eyes and they screamed “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please!” </i>,so I took his hand and guided him to Toby´s yard from
where I had came him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We sat on the grass and
I breathe deeply.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-After my mother <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">left me</i>, I was in a dark place. I was in
a rebellion state and my father didn´t really care that much-despite what my
stepmother says, I don’t believe he ever really cared about me-my mom had some
bad habits, so I grew up in that environment and alcohol and drugs weren’t that
big of a deal for me. I started getting myself into some things that I
shouldn’t have to, and it all happened so fast. I was too deep to get out in a
few short months and I ended up overdosed in the hospital-I was shacking so
hard that I thought that I might be having a panic attack- I almost cant
remember a thing of what happened that year or before that. Since then i’ve
been keeping away from alcohol and i’m scared that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i> can get out of control again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Andrew hugged me,
hard-it´s ok-he whispered-I’m here know, I’m here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I don’t know how much
time passed while we were just there, hugged on the grass, speechless just lost
on each others heartbeats.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I had never told this
story to anyone before-I finally said-i´m pretty messed up, I know.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Well I’m glad you
told me-he said sincerely-and you´re really brave. Let me take you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">home</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Um,I actually came
with…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Don’t worry, I will
let them know I took you ok?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I was sleepy and tired
so I let him go. A few minutes later he took me home on his motorcycle and I
asked him if he could stay there with me. I fell asleep with a dumb smile on my
face. He just lied there beside me, combing my hair with his fingers until I
feel asleep unknowing the deep meaning that had for me. In the morning I found
out that he had slept on the couch. That made me laugh. He made me laugh. When
I was tacking a shower, after he left I was still smiling, I had someone that I
trusted, that, for once in my life, made me feel beautiful, and sexy and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">special. </i>A question that had been
running threw my mind since last night got away from my lips before I could
stop it, while I looked at<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a> my face in the mirror:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Is this love?</i></span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-83848101361826904002013-08-20T12:02:00.003-07:002013-08-20T12:05:44.986-07:00The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn<style>
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" 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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="font-family: Impact; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Impact; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.4-The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Make you’re self at
home-he said while he leaned his head to the couch’s direction-sit I will get
us some drinks. What do you drink?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Humm, the same as
you, I guess-I responded in a soft voice while I sat on the couch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I´ll be right back
then-he said while he went to the kitchen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I looked down to my
short leader skirt tight to my legs and I felt even more nervous while I
pressed my silver bracelet against my wrist. I was trying to look has confident
has I possibly could but the truth is I was terrified. When he walked into the
room I was looking down to my bracelet and rubbing it frenetically to my wrist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Hey, what´s wrong?-he
asked while he placed the drinks on the little table in front of the couch and
he kneeled to the ground right in front of me while he put his hand on my chin
and lifted my head towards his and our lips where only inches away from each
others.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Nothing-I said with a
fake ,nervous smile while I looked right to his green eyes that stared right
back at me reflecting all the nervousness and desire in mine. I think he was
has nervous has I was. My smile got totally sincere reflecting how happy I was
that he was right there with me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I know you don’t
believe it, but-he bred heavily, and the words came slowly and I felt like he
poor his heart out in every single one-you´re truly beautiful. If only you
could see what I see .How can your eyes show so much pain but still glow every
time you see me? Even when I can see the shades of your past hunting you, how
can you still respond to my touch?-he touched my lips with his hand and I
closed my eyes-to my voice, to my soul every time i’m around? I know I don’t
know you, but I feel like I do and I want you to share your memories with me,
those memories that hunt you and never let you be free. I want you to share
that pain with me so it would be easier for you to handle them. I want you to
be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">free </i>and see what I see.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I still had my eyes
closed and I felt his hand on my lips and on my neck and it felt like it had a
special mining behind those touches. Then I opened my eyes and responded with
them to his words while I said slowly-my memories are just mine, they are my
pain, they are my suffering you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cant </i>share
my pain but you can ease it<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. And you do.</i>
When you´re around I feel safe and I feel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">happy.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Then I did something I
never thought I would do. I kissed him, for the first time. I had never kissed
someone. Don’t get me wrong, I had been kissed before but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">i</i> never had kissed someone. I put all my rage, my anger my dispere,
my happiness and all my desire in that one kiss. In that flame that at last
consumed us. The thoughts broke and everything that was rational got lost and burned
up by the flame. It slowly burned lower and when it ended the phrase “the
bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn” floated inside my mind. We´d past
the point of no return.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The ice of our lemon ice
teas had melted but we <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>grabbed them and we lied on the
couch drinking them and watching some stupid movie. I ended up falling asleep
with my head on his shoulder while he combed my long blond hair slowly and softly.
It was a good feeling. I had never let anyone touch my hair before cause it was
a very personal thing for me. One of my many stupid restrictions and I felt
like he was breaking them all. The stupid thing is that I loved him breaking
rules he didn’t knew existed or that had that much meaning for me. He simply
did, and even without my rules and restrictions, lying there beside him, I had
never felt has safe or has at home before. I felt like, after a long time I had
finally found myself<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. Again</i>.</span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-64881302793290006122013-08-20T11:50:00.004-07:002013-08-20T12:05:59.763-07:00So nervous but so happy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.3- </span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">So nervous but so happy</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I woke up sweaty and
screaming. My dreams are always the same. I´ve come to the conclusion that they
are memories that came to me in the form of flashbacks. Anyway they are never
pleasant. I always wake up panicking and I repeat to my self “it is not true it
was just a dream”. Even though I know that is not true I discovered is easier
to live in a lye than face the true if the true is too disturbing for you to
live with it. In that dream i´m 6 and i´m home and my mom is overdosed in the
floor and i´m crying and I feel alone and desperate and I don’t know what to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t the last time but is
one of the most frequent nightmares I get.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I got up. I was
dressing a baggy sweeter and some wool socks that ended above my knew. I went
to the kitchen grabbed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a glass of
water and I went to the garden. I lied on the grass as I did so often and
looked at the stars. It was cold and the grass was a little bit wet but I
really licked that feeling. When I closed my eyes I instantly fell asleep and I
had a slept calmly till morning.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I woke up with the
voice of my step mother-How many times have I said the same thing Alice? Look
at you .-I did. I was full of mode. I didn’t realize what was the problem. If I
didn’t care about why did she?- Doesn’t mather know go get ready. Know! –So I
did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">In school the time
flew from one class to another until lunch break. As I did the day before I
went to the cafeteria to grab my apple. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-In that all you´re
eating?-A girl asked me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">In contrary to me she
was a brunet and she was really curvy. She was really pretty and had a big
smile on her face. I didnt respond cause I didn’t knew what to say.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh come sit with me-
she said while she laughed a little of my shyness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">When we sat on a table
she said:-I´m Hanna.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice-I said in a low
voice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She opened a bag of
ships and started eating them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Want one?-I toock one
and she smiled happily at me-So, you must be the knew girl. Where are you from?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Harvon, actually.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh girl doesn´t
surprise me that you left that school is such a spas.-Another girl with short
blond hair and big brown eyes came and sat on our table-hey Hanna-she said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-OMG I just had
biology I didn’t get a thing .I was not made for this. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I´m actually quite
good at biology, I could help you if you like.-I offered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh hey you must be
the knew girl-she turned at me and she also had a happy smile on her face- That
would be so cool- I´m Erika.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice, yes no
problem.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We talked during lunch
and I actually had fun. They were very happy and easily excited witch made<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my mood light up quite a bit. When
Andrew came in and looked right at me I heard Hanna say:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh, I cant believe
what my eyes see. Andrew is not good company. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh, we just talked
once. His not interested-I said hoping I was wrong.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Oh he looks very
interested to me-Erika said-And he´s not that bad Hanna, he´s actually cute. Go
say something don’t just let him hang there. Poor guy-she pushed me away
softly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>walked at him and when I got close to
him he was smiling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Walk with me?-I asked
a little afraid he wouldn’t follow me. But he did so I went to the garden.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I looked for you but
I didn’t knew where you were-he said has he sat on the grass. I sat close to
him, outside was really cold and i had forgotten my jacket.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Did you want to say
something or did you just wanted my company?-I asked a little bit nervous about
his answer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Both, I guess-he said
and he looked right to my eyes, and then he looked away- there is going to be a
party and I was wondering if you would like to go. With me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I thought about it.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> No</i>, I didn’t want to go to a party.
There would be alcohol and drugs and I really didn’t feel good about that. But
I didn’t really want to say no to him. So I had the courage to say something
that I didn’t expect but the words were out of my moth before I could stop
them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I was actually
thinking about that invitation you made yesterday, and I would like to go to
your house today after school- I rubbed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>my bracelet on to my wrist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">He noticed it and held
my hand. In the place under the bracelet the skin was cuted and bleeding a
little bit. Honestly I was so used to deal with the pain that I didn’t even
feel it. But he looked worried. He pressured his lips to my wrist ,brightly and
needy and then kissed it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I´ll met you at 16:00
pm in front of your classroom-he said looking at me and smiling. Than the bell
rang and he leaded me to my classroom. As I walked into the classroom I looked
at him smiling at me with those perfect lips and those big green eyes and I
asked myself how it was possible to be so nervous but so happy at the same
time. </span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-53858597418763296702013-08-20T11:44:00.001-07:002013-08-20T11:44:31.502-07:00Surprisingly sweet stranger<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljpwxvRizN1qdfbaqo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="333" id="irc_mi" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljpwxvRizN1qdfbaqo1_500.jpg" style="margin-top: 137px;" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Chap.2-Surprisingly sweet stranger</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I got from one class
to another. Thankfully the break´s time was the right time for me to find the
next classroom so I didn’t have to worry about people seeing me alone. I could
just pretend I was busy and concentrated. Personally I licked being alone but other
people seeing me alone ,with their judgy peaty eyes, the whisper´s and the
smirks made me feel really uncomfortable and ashamed that I had to admit the
reality : I did not have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">friends</i> and
I would always be that girl a little bit too weird a little bit too shy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">At lunch time I
grabbed an apple and I went to the school garden to avoid having to sit alone
on a table. The garden was almost deserted so I sat on the grass, took my<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pod and my notebook and started
listening to music and drawing as I ate my apple. I was there four like 45
minutes completely focused on what I was doing when I noticed a shade that had
been there for quite a while and that I had been simply to focused to detect
before. Slowly I took my headphones and I looked back in the direction of the
source of the shade. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-That´s amazing-he
said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I just locked at him.
He had really dark hair and his skin was slightly tained, but what I noticed
the most were his green eyes starring back at mine. Than I looked at his lips.
They were totally symmetrical and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bright
red. When the spell broke I realized I had been starring at him and that he had
been watching me ,witch was creepier then anything else. I felt too exposed, no
one had ever seen my drawings before. I quickly closed my notebook.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-You know it´s rude,
not to say creepy that you´ve been observing me for the past half hour?-I said
pressing the bracelet to my rist, in an angry voice, he was invading my privacy
and espying on me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I wasn´t spying on
you. I was simply watching your drawings-he said calmly, smiling softly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-So you weren’t
watching me, but you were watching what I was doing, that´s still spying- I was
mad that he didn’t even try to deny what he was doing and that he was so upcoming
about it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-You´re right, I’m
sorry- he said sincerely, locking a little bit embarrassed and smiling in a shy
and kind of sweet way. I was happy that he recognized it- I´m Andrew, by the
way-he said smiling more openly know. I smiled softly a little embarrassed that
I got so mad at this surprisingly sweet stranger-Alice-I replied in a softer
voice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-And I meant what I
said-he continued-they are truly amazing-he said pointing to my notebook-Do you
think you could show them to me.?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I looked
apprehensively at him. My drawings were a very privet part of my life and I wasn’t
shure I was ready to share them. He probably got my apprehension cause he just
asked:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Can I sit with you
then?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Shure. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-So what are you
listening?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I showed him the music
on my ipod and we got to the conclusion that we had a very similar taste for
music. We spend the rest of the lunch break talking about music and artists and
other subjects that came up in the conversation. I laughed, cause he was funny
and I felt <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good</i>. It was easy to talk
to him. We were alike and we got each other. In a long time I didn’t feel like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alice</i> the ofernage weird girl with a
druggy addicted mother. I just felt like Alice. When<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the bell ringed he took me to the next class cause he knew
where it was. It was a year older than me so he had to go. For some reason I
was reluctant in letting him go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Do you want to meet
after school? Come to my place, it will be fun.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-I have stuff to do- I
lied. I didn’t really feel comfortable going to his house. And even worse for
him to come to mine .-But I will see you tomorrow?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">He looked at me and
didn’t say anything.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Right?-I insisted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Yes-he said smiling
and gave me a kiss on the check. That was sweet. He was sweet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I didn’t see him later
that day. My step mother picked me up at exactly 16:00 pm. She made some
comment that I seemed different. For some unexplained reason I felt different.
When I got to bed I was still thinking about that surprisingly sweet stranger.</span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3385197673778580998.post-54749430487737262442013-08-20T11:27:00.001-07:002013-08-20T11:28:38.446-07:00Alice,just Alice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span><img height="499" id="irc_mi" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/10282445/black-blonde-clouds-dress-fashion-girl-Favim.com-60424_large.jpg" style="margin-top: 54px;" width="334" /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Cap.1- Alice, just Alice</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Broadway; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-</span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Is
that what you´re wearing on your big day?-She asked with her always questioning
eyes- Four God´s sake girl, I will choose something for you to wear, just go
get ready, Alice.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">As I went into the
bathroom and closed the door I leaned against it and Ibread<span style="color: red;"> </span>heavily. I was nervous, scared.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Alice. <span style="color: red;">Witch</span> for a lot of people is a unique and strange name
from a fairy tale for me is just the result of a mother a little bit too high,
a little bit too irresponsible to take care of a child. A name is supposed to
be a fundamental composer of a person´s personality. A piece of what they are.
Well for me my name is just a constant reminder of the life I was restrained
from. A baggage that I carry around with me, of which I can never be free from,
like a heavy chain restraining me from opportunities that gives peaty in exchange.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">When I was born my
mother gave me the name Alice, because of my bright big blue eyes and blond
hair <span style="color: red;">witch</span> reminded her of the girl in a book
witch had always been her favorite. Crazy right? This is what they told me, I
don’t believe in it. This story. The women in it sounds lovely and carrying,
nothing like the women I met, that was too drugged to take care of her own
child and had to give her away, abandoning her in a big world that wasn’t
“exactly” wonderland<span style="color: red;"> </span><span style="color: black;">for</span><span style="color: red;"> </span><span style="color: black;">her</span>. But one thing I’ve
learned is that I shouldn’t make too many questions, actually I shouldn’t make
them at all. I should just keep them to myself and learn to live with them
running free and uncontrollably inside my head. <span style="color: red;">Witch</span>
I did. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">When I got out of the
bathroom just with a towel wraped around my skinish,tiny body I looked to the
outfit on the bed that my step mother had come up with for me to wear on my
first day named my “big day” by her. A beautiful black backless dress was lying
on the bed. I quickly put it on and combed my still wet, long blond hair and looked
in the mirror. The girl starring back at me was a complete stranger. I looked
right into her eyes and I could see the shades of her past. I quickly looked
away and I was picking my favorite black baggy sweet shirt when my step mother
came into the room.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice, are you
ready?!- she stopped talking while she walked into the room and stared at me-
you look beautiful- she said with sincerity tacking the best of her voice, and
I think, for a moment her eyes melted a little. I´m not shure because in the
next moment her eyes got cold again- Oh you´re not wearing that awful old
thing. Don’t even think that you will- She said referring to my old sweet
shirt. The only thing that gave comfort in that outfit that exposed me too much
to the world.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-But…-I mumbled.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Not buts ,Alice- She
cut me off- know we should go, or you´re going to be late.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Has she walked out off
my room with the implied intention for me to follow her I looked peatefelly to
my sweatshirt and I let it follow on the bed. I put on my black boots and grabbed
my black little bag and ran to the car that waited me outside.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Has the car stopped in
front of the school I looked down to the silver bracelet on my wrist ,the only
thing I had that related me to my mother, the only thing that I had witch was
her´s, the only physical thing that related me <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to my old life. The only thing that belonged just to me, just
like my thoughts.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Your father wishes
you luck-she told me in a soft voice, talking about the sensitive topic as I
was getting the courage to get out of the car. I nodded.-You know he wanted to
be here today right?-I nodded again even though it wasn’t true. My father had
been has present in my life in the past few years has my mom. I didn’t blame
him. I think he couldn’t be around me because I reminded him too much of my
mom. So he started avoiding me<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
when he wasn’t he always got upset. Like me. Not that I hated him but being
together just got to hard for both of us after my mom…</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice, you have to go
or you’re going to be late-she interrupted my thoughts .</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Ok, I guess I will
see you later then?-my voice cracked. My hands were shaking and I pressed the
silver bracelet to my rist with my other hand as I always did when I was
nervous. I knew I was all alone after I left that car.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Yes I will pick you
up at 16:00 pm.-I opened the door as she talked but I didn’t turn my face to
her-try to make friends-she stopped talking ,her voice was low and sad- you
just have to try-she haded.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I got out of the car
and I closed the door a little too hard due to my nerves. I hated the reference
that she made to “my” old school that never felt like mine at all. She tried to
avoid and ignore that part of my life as much as I did but I knew she couldn’t resist
to bring it up today. It happens school hasn’t always been wonderland for me.
At all. You were waiting for this reference weren’t you?</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The new school was
big and I was kind of lost. As I walked threw the hallways I wished I had my
big comfy sweeter to hide me from the curious looks of the other students on
the knew girl. I was already late when I arrived at my first class. I had been
running threw the school for the past 5 minutes so when I finally got to the
classroom I knocked on the door, I opened it and I asked in a shaken voice :-is
this 10ºC?</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I was waiting to get
some kind of joke or an lecture coming from the teacher´s voice but instead of
that I got a smile and a warm voice saying-Yes, it is- Everyone was starring at
me and I hated that kind of attention ,or any attention if I’m being honest so
that was a little reconferting. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">As i was walking
towards an empty sit as fast as I could he asked me- What´s your name ,girl?- I
turned my head slightly on his direction and I responded: </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice-I said still
panting.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice what?-he said
still not satisfied.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Other people had a
second name but honestly I didn’t knew mine. I didn´t even knew if I ever had
one. It wasn´t even something that I wanted to know, one more lost memory from
my past .One more thing that I didn’t or wanted to remember. I was ready to sit
down and mix with the crowd so I simply said:</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">-Alice ,just Alice. </span></div>
Alice, just Alicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15408606685140832161noreply@blogger.com0