So nervous but so happy

Chap.3-  So nervous but so happy

I woke up sweaty and screaming. My dreams are always the same. I´ve come to the conclusion that they are memories that came to me in the form of flashbacks. Anyway they are never pleasant. I always wake up panicking and I repeat to my self “it is not true it was just a dream”. Even though I know that is not true I discovered is easier to live in a lye than face the true if the true is too disturbing for you to live with it. In that dream i´m 6 and i´m home and my mom is overdosed in the floor and i´m crying and I feel alone and desperate and I don’t know what to do.  It wasn’t the last time but is one of the most frequent nightmares I get.

I got up. I was dressing a baggy sweeter and some wool socks that ended above my knew. I went to the kitchen grabbed  a glass of water and I went to the garden. I lied on the grass as I did so often and looked at the stars. It was cold and the grass was a little bit wet but I really licked that feeling. When I closed my eyes I instantly fell asleep and I had a slept calmly till morning.

I woke up with the voice of my step mother-How many times have I said the same thing Alice? Look at you .-I did. I was full of mode. I didn’t realize what was the problem. If I didn’t care about why did she?- Doesn’t mather know go get ready. Know! –So I did.

In school the time flew from one class to another until lunch break. As I did the day before I went to the cafeteria to grab my apple.

-In that all you´re eating?-A girl asked me.

In contrary to me she was a brunet and she was really curvy. She was really pretty and had a big smile on her face. I didnt respond cause I didn’t knew what to say.

-Oh come sit with me- she said while she laughed a little of my shyness.

When we sat on a table she said:-I´m Hanna.

-Alice-I said in a low voice.

She opened a bag of ships and started eating them.

-Want one?-I toock one and she smiled happily at me-So, you must be the knew girl. Where are you from?

-Harvon, actually.

-Oh girl doesn´t surprise me that you left that school is such a spas.-Another girl with short blond hair and big brown eyes came and sat on our table-hey Hanna-she said.

-OMG I just had biology I didn’t get a thing .I was not made for this.

-I´m actually quite good at biology, I could help you if you like.-I offered.

-Oh hey you must be the knew girl-she turned at me and she also had a happy smile on her face- That would be so cool- I´m Erika.

-Alice, yes no problem.

We talked during lunch and I actually had fun. They were very happy and easily excited witch made  my mood light up quite a bit. When Andrew came in and looked right at me I heard Hanna say:

-Oh, I cant believe what my eyes see. Andrew is not good company.

-Oh, we just talked once. His not interested-I said hoping I was wrong.

-Oh he looks very interested to me-Erika said-And he´s not that bad Hanna, he´s actually cute. Go say something don’t just let him hang there. Poor guy-she pushed me away softly.

I  walked at him and when I got close to him he was smiling.

-Walk with me?-I asked a little afraid he wouldn’t follow me. But he did so I went to the garden.

-I looked for you but I didn’t knew where you were-he said has he sat on the grass. I sat close to him, outside was really cold and i had forgotten my jacket.

-Did you want to say something or did you just wanted my company?-I asked a little bit nervous about his answer.

-Both, I guess-he said and he looked right to my eyes, and then he looked away- there is going to be a party and I was wondering if you would like to go. With me.

I thought about it. No, I didn’t want to go to a party. There would be alcohol and drugs and I really didn’t feel good about that. But I didn’t really want to say no to him. So I had the courage to say something that I didn’t expect but the words were out of my moth before I could stop them.

-I was actually thinking about that invitation you made yesterday, and I would like to go to your house today after school- I rubbed  my bracelet on to my wrist.

He noticed it and held my hand. In the place under the bracelet the skin was cuted and bleeding a little bit. Honestly I was so used to deal with the pain that I didn’t even feel it. But he looked worried. He pressured his lips to my wrist ,brightly and needy and then kissed it.

-I´ll met you at 16:00 pm in front of your classroom-he said looking at me and smiling. Than the bell rang and he leaded me to my classroom. As I walked into the classroom I looked at him smiling at me with those perfect lips and those big green eyes and I asked myself how it was possible to be so nervous but so happy at the same time.