Sunday, September 8, 2013

Our little secret

                                Chap.6- Our little secret
I woke up really happy this morning. It was thanks giving and, in quite a while ,I had something to be thankful for. I looked outside my window. It was snowing. I decided to take a quick shower before I met Hanna and Erika at the park.
When I got back home and I opened the front door it was already lunch time and it smelled so good it made my mouth water. Then i saw suitcases in the hall. As usually, there were 3, all of different sizes. My face got stone cold while I walked down the hall on the direction of the noise until  I was in the living room.
-Father-he was sitting on the sofa talking to my step mother and when he heard my voice they both stop talking. I looked right at his eyes. With all that had been going on I had totally forgot my father was coming. It had been almost a year since I had last seen him. He was wearing a black suit and his dark brown hair was carefully combed. I could see some wrinkles near his eyes that weren’t there last time i saw him, and the first white hairs were starting to appear on the top of his head.
-Ally-he walked right at me and hugged me softly- I missed you, girl.
I’m sure he did. That’s why he never called me, or said anything at all, all year. But I wouldn’t say that. I didn’t hug him back or return his “I miss you”. Instead i just stood there until my body was released from that unrecognizable shelter that didn’t feel mine at all. Once he released me he carefully observed my face.
-You look more like your mother every time I see you-he said with a shaken voice.
I didn’t knew what to say so I nodded while rubbing my bracelet on my wrist. He grabbed my wrist and put his hands around it. He was the only one that would dare to reprehend my strange habit, what he had been doing since I was little. He didn’t even need words. I quickly pulled my hand towards my body and wrapped my harms around my body.
-I´m glad you re home-I said not knowing if I was totally lying.
-Lets eat!-my step mother said with excitement.
Has we sat and started eating everyone was silent and the mood wasn’t exactly light or happy.
-So how is school Ally?-my father asked in a pathetic attempt to lift my mood up and to get involved in my life like a concerned father.
-Yes, it´s alright-I answered while I played around with my food.
-Helen told me you’ve been skipping the sections with you’re guidance counselor- good my step mother and my dad already got to talking. I looked at her with a spark of disappointment in my eyes-you know you’ve to go. It´s part of the treatment plain and if…
-I´m not really hungry- I said cutting him of, truth is, I had lost my appetite- i’m just going to go to my room.
Ok so maybe I was being childish and totally immature, but I didn’t want to participate in some stupid charade of a “happy family” while my father pointed the error of my ways, to show of that I wasn’t Kevin´s daughter perfect yet.
-No, Ally, you have to eat. Sit down.-my father ordered calmly but there was imposition in his voice.
I laughed.
-What´s so funny, Alice?-my father asked, not amused at all.
-You appear here, after a year, or should I say 11? of mia and know you want to tell me what to do? What makes you think you have that right? Don’t you think is a little bit late for the “perfect dad of the year roll”? I may have forgiven a lot of things but I haven’t forgotten them. Stop treating me like a child and stop acting like my father. Because in all the moments that I needed you, you weren’t there for me and just because you’re staying doesn’t mean you’re welcome.
Maybe it was a little bit early or impulsive to start arguing but I had so much anger towards  him that I just couldn’t contained myself. All of that was true. And, if the truth hurted him that was just a taste of what he had left me with, when he decided to drown himself in work and go live to the other side of the country foe business purposes. I walked into my room and closed the door. As I sat on the floor a tear ran down my face.
-Don’t cry, don’t cry-I said to myself.
This is what I mean when I say we can’t handle being around each other. As much time passes there is always something unsaid, pained on the deep of our hearts. That pain was the result of our little secret. The secret we had kept to ourselves all these years. A constant knife on our throats fighting to keep us from breathing, sucking us into a black hole where nothing but darkness remained. Our little secret.

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